Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
