Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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