Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's always time for handjobs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
