Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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