Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
