I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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