Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
