it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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