Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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