Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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