I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
