She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
