so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize