3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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