I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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