The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
how drunk are you?
Several
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
