Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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