i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
