I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
