R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
