i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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