yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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