Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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