i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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