I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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