I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize