NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
