so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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