just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
