You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
