Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
