he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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