DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
