So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
