I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
