Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
