well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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