Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
