I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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