i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
