Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
