The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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