how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
