Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When did we convert life to cartoon?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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