3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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