I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize