ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
