I wanna passion pit in your ass
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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