Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
