On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
