You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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