dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
