I didn't shave. On purpose
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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