Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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