Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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