I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize