at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I stole a fireplace last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
