id be glad to
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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