Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
