Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
