U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
why do cheetos always look like penises
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She bit a glass in half.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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