Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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