??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
