it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
