I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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