So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he puts the penis in happiness.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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