Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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