My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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