Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
