I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
