I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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