Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
