still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
