they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would ride that face into the sunset
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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