There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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