The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
