I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
