just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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