I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
