Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
