Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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