You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
